First True Love Lasts Forever
by lovemars1134
Summary: Its been two years working in marukawa with takano. When onodera falls deep in love with takano-san enough to confess, they once again might be separated. How will they take this? This time will last longer than ten years what should they do? Onodera now has to face the reality and his job, will he stay with Takano or leave? Please give it a try!
1. Chapter 1 Start of War

**Hello this is my first fan fiction. I hope someone reads and like it :) i tried my best and this will be a long series if you are a fan of those. I dont own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. please review if you read it. Here is the summary: takano and ritsu have been over working together for two years now. Ritsu is now 27 and takano is 30. Ritsu still hasnt admitted his love for takano. But when he falls in love deep enough to confess, they have to be separated once again this time maybe** **more than ten years... How will takano and onodera solve this?**

First Love Lasts chap 1  
>Onodera Ritsu<br>I've been working in Marukawa for two years and it's finally going on my third year. Takano-san, Hatori-san, Mino-san, Kisa-san, and I had a drinking party to celebrate finishing the second year of editing authors. i didn't have any interest in editing shojo manga two years ago, but after having the taste of the sweetness in finishing the manga and putting it out in the world, now I'm willing to stay here at my free will. By doing so I reunited with Saga sempai from high school. his name had changed due to his parent's relationship and I couldn't notice who he was at first. But it turned out that my first love for Saga sempai was all a misunderstanding. I haven't been able to fall in love after those ten years and I've heard from Yokozawa-san that I had hurt Takano-san after I ran away from him thinking he was only playing around. Then when I headed home to organize all these confused thoughts Takano-san turned out to be my neighbor. (i've lived there for an year and it's my first time noticing him..) And so my whole new career started with this.  
>Tonight is the huge drinking party for the whole Marukawa company. I told Isaka-san ( the executive director) that I can not make it but he insisted on threatening me so I had no choice.<br>-at the drinking party-  
>In front of me were Mino and Kisa-san and there was Hatori-san on my right and Takano-san on my left, everyone wearing their work clothes. When one hour of drinking passed by Takano-san touched my shoulder telling me that I shouldn't drink anymore than this. He was warning me, even though I knew he was right, I was pissed. And because of that I got myself so drunk that I passed out after I found myself hugging and almost kissing Kisa-san. Then I remember people dancing around me until my head started to turn upside down and everything turned black and white.<br>When I woke up It was warm. I was still in the amidst of sleep but then I heard a voice and found myself conscious. I was on Takano-san's back heading to my apartment. The slow beat of his heart and his warmth was comforting. right before I was about to fall asleep again, I heard Takano-san talking to himself.  
>Takano-san: "you know Onodera... I don't know how many times I've had to carry you like this but...as long as I'm the one drinking with you. Jeeez... You cause so much trouble. Trying to jump on Kisa like that, never would've even imagine that happening until today. You should be thankful you know. You would be in Kisa's bed right now if you had kissed him"...-chuckles-<br>Takano's thoughts: If we were still students, this wouldn't have happened but, I guess this is my fault.  
>Takano: "You know it's funny, you used to be the one who got me back on my feet with your love towards me, I guess Nothing is for free.. Chuckles... Well to be exact you probably never knew that I wasn't playing around with you. Thinking back and now I really did love you, even though you never knew about it... You were my first love after all." -small smile-<br>-Onodera:  
>Takano-san laughed to himself as he said those words. He didn't know that I was awake and I wasn't sure if I heard it all right. It pissed me off when he talked about me as if I were a burden and someone crazy. But listening and learning something about Takano-san's feelings, I can't help it but be happy. Knowing something so trivial... I don't exactly know why everything he does shakes me but there I had to keep myself to pretend that I was asleep. Wondering if he could hear my fast heart beat banging against his back with my flushed face. Even though it pissed me off to even think about this I wish for this moment to stop and to always feel this way, my heart waiting for it to be heard and Takano-san holding me like this as if we have nothing to worry about or having another day tomorrow. Such a nostalgic feeling...<br>As Onodera thought of these feelings he eventually fell back to sleep.  
>Takano: "Onodera? Are you awake? ...<br>You're damn heavy =_= "  
>Takano-san got to his apartment and laid Onodera on his bed without waking him up. Takano complained about how heavy he was and heard Onodera talk to his sleep.<br>..."I love you"... Onodera still drunk with his numerous glasses of sake said this as if he was actually confessing his love for someone. With Onodera's blushed face, looking so innocent and happy, it reminded Takano of his high school days. Takano took off his and Onodera's coat and sat beside him. As Takano ruffled Onodera's hair he said, "Are you practicing your love confession while dreaming? You should do it when you're not drunk and asleep. I'm still waiting you know. Takano gently touched Onodera's cheek and all he got was more of him talking in his sleep. "Mmmmnn... no please.. I don't...I don't want to go..." At first Takano chuckled but as he heard those words, he was worried about Onodera's mental state. Takano slowly laid down beside Onodera and softly covered Onodera and himself with blankets. As he did this he didn't know much about what Onodera was suffering over. Not knowing the reason caused his heart to be squeezed and all he could do was to hold Onodera in his arms. Takano was confused and nervous about his future with Onodera and had no idea what events would come in their relationship. He was scared of Onodera disappearing from his life but he also feared Onodera to hate him. With all these thoughts in his head, he gave Onodera a tight hug and said, "Ritsu"... He buried himself on Onodera's shoulder wanting to ask all these questions but instead he could only spit out a few words. "I love you" Takano listened to their hearts beat and slowly fell asleep with the rhythm of his and Onodera's heart beat.

I hope you liked the chapter and i will update soon! Please Review! Thanks for reading and passing by!


	2. Chapter 2: Feelings are Complicated

Thank you for reading this! I hope you enjoy!

First True Love Lasts Forever chap 2

Feelings are complicated

That night Onodera woke up early due to his headache of drinking to much. He found himself wrapped by Takan-san and tried to jerk Takano-san's hands off. But instead Takano-san's grip became stronger and held Onodera that he couldn't escape. He was flushed with embarrassment and tried to cover his face with his hands. As Takano-san saw this he held Onodera's wrists and pushed Onodera down. They were finally facing each other. "Ta-Takano-san please let me go, it seems as I've made trouble for you again and My head is dizzy from drinking too much last night..." Onodera didn't know where to look or how to act after remembering how he drank last night and hearing about Takano-san's feelings. As Takano slipped his fingers through Onodera's fingers, Onodera shivered. Slowly their palms met and Takano brought his face closer to Onodera as if he was right before kissing him. Onodera became nervous and spoke again. "Ta-takano-san it's early in the morning and..we are both already tired from last night so p-please let me go, sorry for all the trouble of bringing me home.." Onodera tried to push Takano-san's palms as saying this but he wouldn't even budge. After Onodera said these things he looked at Takano-san's eyes and noticed that it wasn't the eyes full of lust. Takano-san's eye full of loneliness and sorrow held Onodera for hours it seemed as minutes passed by. Takano-san then placed his face right beside Onodera's face and hugged him. Onodera not knowing what happened couldn't complain or resist. Takano-san didn't say anything, he couldn't ask Onodera about his worries and he didn't know if he should. He was more afraid of Onodera refusing to tell him his worries saying that it's none of his business. Takano shivered at the thought and Onodera noticed Takano-san's uneasiness. So Onodera spoke with uncertainty.  
>"Ta-Takano-san... I'm ok..so...you can let me go now." Umm..mmn..Was it because of last night? I'm sorry I didn't mean to lose control and I never had any interest towards Kisa-san it's just he was hanging on to me...and I don't know what really was on my mind.." Takano-san then raised his head having an eye contact with Onodera and kissed him. When Takano-san looked at Onodera like that, Onodera wasn't able to refuse him. It was rather simple that surprised Onodera. Takano-san only kissed him light on the lips and got of the bed stretching. Then he asked, " What do you want for breakfast?"<br>"I-I'm sorry, please excuse me...I have some work to do at home and..I think I should rest." As Onodera was trying to run towards the door to get out, Takano stopped Onodera in front of his bedroom door. "At least eat breakfast with me, you promised to eat one meal with me right? So just get it over with..!"  
>Onodera's thoughts: Like Hell..! After he kissed me like that and he expects me to eat breakfast with him?<br>"Um It's fine we can eat together at lunch or dinner but I have to go now..so please excuse me..."  
>Takano: "Why do you want to go back? Do you hate being with me that much?" As he spat these words it hurt him. "Why..? Why won't you tell me anything? From three months ago you started to act strange not speaking much as often and you're a terrible liar and can't hide your face. I can obviously see something is going on but it irritates me more that you don't tell me anything about it. I..I want to at least know you better than I did ten years ago but there isn't much difference from then and now."<br>Onodera didn't want to hear any more words from him and tried to run, but was grabbed by the arms and was faced to see Takano-san's pained look. "I want to know what's eating you up and what I can help you to get out of it. I want to do something for you but you never let me. I want to stay with you but you refuse. All you and I talk about is work, so what do I have to do to get closer to the one I love? To have you look in my eyes again?"  
>Onodera: " Ah no..I'm very sorry, thank you for taking take of me from yesterday and please excuse me..!" As he said this he ran out the door and went back to his apartment. What did he mean by saying all these things me? Is Takano-san tired of chasing me because all I do is refuse him? Why is he worried about me? Just what kind of face did I make for the past months? Did the other workers notice? But most of all why did Takano-san looked so afraid throwing all these questions at me? He wasn't demanding like he usually does and he wasn't forcing me to answer them.<br>Because Onodera got out of the house without thinking, he had forgotten his bag and his coat. But he didn't mind and tried to calm down and organize his thoughts.  
>Ok. What did I do yesterday? I drank, got pissed, drank more, lost control, clang to Kisa-san (almost kissed him), then when I was about to I puke, I passed out. And then when Takano-san took me home...<br>Onodera blushed like a little girl when the memory came back. "You were my first love after all..-smile"  
>Wait wait wait! Why am I blushing like an idiot for? I mean it's not like I'm in love with him or anything! It's just that I'm embarrassed hearing such a confession, yea, that's right who wouldn't be embarrassed hearing that? That's it's a natural phenomenon that happens to everyone! Ah ha haha haha..ah...<br>Even though he was persuading himself that he was right, all he could hear are the words that Takano-san said to him after he woke up. It was as if Takano-san was begging him or threatening him to love him or hurt him. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked himself the question over and over. When he gave up and tried to do his work he couldn't concentrate but only replay the dramatic scene several times.  
>Why would I care if he is hurt or not? It's not like I love him..so..so I really shouldn't feel this way. So I should just get over it and do my work that's been assigned...Why? Why do I care so much?.. Why..am I so irritated? It was already 12 in the afternoon and Takano-san came over and kept knocking on the door, calling and texting me.<br>At the time Onodera wasn't sure that if he should answer him. He still wasn't ready so he a acted as he wasn't there. So after thousands of questions and theories Onodera eventually fell asleep and the dreadful time came. It was about 9 o'clock when he woke up and his evening started with a phone call.  
>Onodera wasn't as alert to pick up the phone quickly and when he had the phone in his hands the loud ringing stopped. When he checked the phone there were about twenty text messages and missed phone calls. Onodera sighed at this sight and right then Takano-san rang the doorbell. Onodera opened the door and told Takano-san that he had to make an immediate call to someone.<br>Onodera: "ahh no.. Takano-san I'm very sorry but I think I will have to skip dinner. An important acquaintance of mine had called with an emergency."  
>Takano: "Then I will wait... but come to my place first."<br>Onodera: "Ummnn actually while I'm calling it would be more comfortable to be alone. I'm sorry then enjoy your evening..."  
>Takano: "Wait I won't accept that! You promised and you should keep your word as a man! Or can you not even do that?<br>This pissed Onodera off and so he said,"Who said that I was breaking the promise? I will eat dinner with you as soon as I'm finished with my call.! Please in front of my door for a moment when I quickly finish the call!  
>"Ok then, don't make it too long."<br>"Shit", Onodera thought. I fell under his trap.  
>He quickly closed the door and headed to the living room. He picked up his phone that was ringing. It was his parents.<br>-phone call-  
>Onodera: Hello?<br>Mom: Ritsu! Why didn't you pick up your phone? I've call you so many times!  
>O: Sorry, I had a drinking party last night and I didn't feel well today so I took the whole day to rest and I wasn't paying attention to my phone.<br>Mom: Ritsu, you do realize that you're getting older right? You're already 27 years old! How long do you think you can keep from getting married? You refused An-chan who loved you so much and when I introduced you another girl, all you did was just refuse her request, not even apologizing to her face! Ritsu, you're dad is getting older and I have to say you will have to take over the company at least one or two years later. You're dad wants to rest and we can not let this go on anymore. You are the son who will have to take over our company! If you had someone you love I could just let you get engaged to that person and move on but you say that you're not in love and you don't want to get married! What am I supposed to do? Are you listening? Don't you dare hang up on me when I'm talking!  
>Onodera: I'm listening and I understand fully what I have done to An-chan and understand what you're saying but I don't want to get married to a stranger or be quick to fall in love! I will take over the company when the time comes but I'm not ready yet. And since I'm the one who will be taking care of the company, I should have these rights to have time to decide things and sort them out!<br>Mom: No, you do not understand! This is not all about you Ritsu! It is also about your dad and I. We need you to get married and take over the company as soon as possible no matter what the case is! You are born to do these duties! You can not put these thoughts in the back of your head! You should be thinking about it seriously! We also want to see you happy and have your children before we leave you. So you better hurry and find the one you love or I will just pick a girl or ask An-chan to be your wife. And your opinion will not be involved! Ritsu! Don't you dare ignore me! I've warned you during the past and it was you who refused to think about them! Ritsu? Ritsu!  
>Onodera: Mom I'm listening, so please stop raising your voice. I have a meeting with my superior soon so I will think about those and talk to you later about it. I have to go, Good night.<br>Mom: No! Wait! Ritsu, I'm not done yet! You will need to quit that company soon so why would you care about it so much? This is much more important! Ritsu! Ritsu!  
>-end of phone call-<br>Onodera felt so tired after talking with his mother and wanted to run away from reality. He didn't want to marry someone who, he didn't love. He knew that he was being selfish for not obeying his parents, but just how could he?  
>"How can I just marry someone when Takano-san is constantly telling me that he loves me?"<br>What will he say when I leave and when I get married to someone? Then after I move away and we don't see each other everyday like this? Will he end up being broken all over again? Then Yokozawa-san or others will come and try to help him out and will I be forgotten? If I become the company president will he and I never meet again? Would I be able to fall in love with someone else? But I already made a promise that I wouldn't fall in love with anyone!  
>As Onodera was imagining about how Takano-san would look like when he hears that Onodera will leave and get married, a tear fell from his cheek. It wasn't that he was thinking about how Takano-san would feel, but what if Takano-san can fall in love with someone else and his love is actually returned unlike now? Takano-san would be happy...as these thoughts crossed Onodera's mind he heard Takano-san's voice which sent shivers to his back.<br>Without thinking, Onodera slowly walked over to open the door and entered Takano-san's house. As he opened the door he was wondering what he was doing in this broken state of his heart.

Thank you so much for reading and I had one review when I came back! Oh my God I was so happy! Whoever this person is thank you so much for reading and leaving a review! I finished chapter two and hope you guys liked it! Chapter three will also be coming soon!  
>Thank you for reading and please Review and tell me what I need to fix and what you guys want! You can also email me about it! lovemars1134<p> 


	3. Chapter 3: Awakening Hidden Feelings

FTLLF chapter 3: Awakening hidden feelings

Hey guys thank you for reading my story and sorry about my immature way of writing. But I really try my best to show you guys that I really try and I just hope you guys like it! This is finally chapter 3! I'm so excited to see how the story plot comes out and I hope you guys enjoy it too :D please Review! It makes me so happy that someone is actually reading and liking my stories! And if you want the sex scenes email me!

When Onodera opened the door the first thing he discovered was the fragrance of food. After his conversation with his mom made him forget all about dinner. As he smelled it he remembered that he hadn't eaten anything today. When he woke up, he was filled with thoughts of Takano-san and then he got tired so he slept for more than he should have which made him miss lunch.  
>Takano-san:"You sure took your sweet time talking to your acquaintance. I got tired of waiting you know... Aaaaaaaaeh I'm hungry."<br>He said this as he was stretching his arms and realized that Onodera wasn't giving him any response.  
>"Onodera..?"<br>He slightly touched Onodera's hair which brought Onodera back to his senses and answered Takano. "Ah... I'm sorry for spacing out it's just that the food smelled so good and I was lost in it ah ha hahahaha...you really can cook!" Onodera said this without facing Takano-san the whole way and it made Takano nervous. "Yea.. Thanks" was all he could say to Onodera.  
>As they sat down to eat dinner Onodera saw so many fresh food laid upon him. He never cooked for himself so it's been so long since he had a decent meal. Looking at the food he became hungry. Right before Onodera was about to sit down he tripped on one of the chairs and fell. But Takano-san made it just in time so that Onodera couldn't get hurt. He caught Onodera's waist by one arm and helped him back to his chair. As he was doing so Takano-san felt Onodera's weight and realized that it was much lighter from yesterday.<br>Takano: "Oi..! Watch it! Jeez..! See where you're going when you're walking!"  
>Onodera: "waaaah! Ah.. I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention to the ground much.."<br>Takano: "Hey...what happened to you? You're much lighter from yesterday...Don't tell me that you didn't eat anything until now?"  
>Onodera: "Ah..no I was kind of busy doing my work so."<br>Takano: "Aaaah...(sigh) what am I supposed to do with you? You might as well pass out like that again.. Why can't you stop making everyone so worried?"  
>Onodera: "I'm sorry."<br>Takano-san was stunned that Onodera wasn't mad about what he said and noticed something was going on in Onodera's mind. He left it at this and said,"Well might as well just start eating."  
>They ate slowly giving little glances at each other for every few seconds. The food was delicious and even thiugh Onodera was not in the mood to devour himself into the food he did finish everything on his plate.<br>Takano: "So who did you talk with?"  
>Onodera froze as he heard this. He was concentrating on eating and he forgot that he was with Takano-san. "Um no one that's special just an old classmate?"<br>Takano: "I've been meaning to ask this for some while but do you have a new fiancé now? I haven't heard about your fiancé after that time and I just wondered if it was about her."  
>Takano-san was nervous as he spoke these words. But when Onodera didn't say anything, Takano noticed that Onodera's plate was empty and Onodera was stabbing his plate with his fork not knowing what he was doing.<br>So Takano-san slowly called Onodera to bring him back to reality. "Onodera...Onodera...! Onodera!"  
>Then finally Onodera looked up flushed and laughed. "Ah ha hahaha I'm very sorry. Please excuse my rudeness I was lost in thought for a moment and guess I couldn't come back. Ah hahahaha. Well...thank you very much for this incredible dinner and have a great evening. I'm very tired today and I would like to rest." Onodera said this as he was getting up was heading to the door. Because he was in such a hurry he slipped backwards stepping on something slimy and lost his balance. It alerted Takano-san and he dashed so that Onodera's head wouldn't hit the table's edge. As Takano caught Onodera, the back of his hand was bleeding and the other hand was holding Onodera. Takano was able to stop the fall but he had to put his hands between Onodera's head the the sharp edge of the table. It left a huge mark and blood was gushing out more than it should.<br>Onodera: "Ta-Takano-san are you ok? I'm so very sorry I guess I slipped on some kind of sauce and I wasn't being careful..! Ah! Your hand! So much blood! Takano-san do you have a first aid kit? I'm truly sorry this is my fault."  
>Takano-san: "(sigh) Just please be careful when you walk and pay attention to where you're going! You could've been injured badly on your head! It could've changed who you are!"<br>Onodera: "Yes...again I'm very sorry... I will get the first aid kit please stay here a moment."  
>As Onodera went to get the kit he was thinking that if he had been injured, and have become a Disorder patient, would he still have to take over the Onodera Publishing Company? Or maybe he lost his memory or become unable to speak, would he be able to not take over the Company..? Even though Onodera knew they were such stubborn questions he thought of them many times. Then Onodera remembered Takano-san's bleeding hand and rushed for the kit. When Onodera grabbed the kit and went to Takano-san, there were more blood then there was. The stab was deep and Takano-san was losing a lot of blood. Onodera had to stop the blood so he tried to wipe away the blood from his hand and tried to see his the wound. Then he held the disinfectant in his hand and spread it on Takano-san's hand, on the back. As he was holding Takano-san hand he suddenly felt the urge to cry. Just how much time was left until he take over the company and disappear from Takano-san's life? Just how much time has left when he won't be holding Takano-san's hand like this. When the disinfectant reached the wound it stated to bubble and Takano-san shook a little at the twinge of pain. But then something else landed on his wound. As Takano-san was watching the wound, some kind of liquid had fallen on his hand. It was warm and it made Takano-san filled with melancholy. To be honest he was acrophobic of what he'll see when he lifts his head. Even after those many drops, filled with hatred fell, he was still pensively thinking if he should have to face what is happening in front of him. He prepared himself for the scene and raised his head. By the time he lifted his head was when Onodera finished wrapping Takano-san's hand and was cutting the bandage off. However when Takano-san suddenly moved his head to see, Onodera hid his face with Takano-san's hand. He draped the hand in front of his face softly sobbing on the back of Takano-san's hand. As Takano watched Onodera slowly falling apart, he became scared. This was happening because he didn't know about Onodera. He wasn't there for Onodera when he was suffering in the dark, he didn't know anything about the person he loved so much. The fact made Takano go through a pained whimper. But in front of Onodera was a person who only looked at him with eyes filled with blue instead of amber. This made Onodera cry a bit harder. He tried to swallow the tears and laugh as this was all a joke but he couldn't, he could only face what was ahead of him and was locked in somber confronting Takano-san. Takano couldn't stand seeing Onodera like this and touched Onodera's cheek as if Onodera was fragile newborn. Takano-san's hand was shaking as he took both of his hands to touch Onodera's face. He placed himself right in front of Onodera and let Onodera lie on him. Onodera did not complain or push Takano-san. Takano-san did not force Onodera to look him in his eyes nor did he ask him any questions. He was just there to share his sadness. "Maybe this could heal Onodera." Takano thought. "Because he was alone all these years, maybe he was too afraid to ask anyone for help. Because I made him doubt my love for him... Because I took his confidence when he ran away... I was tearing him down for accepting his love and not confirming my love for him. And because of my existence, he was in pain, he had to carry this burden all to himself because he was scared that someone would do the same as me. Being hunted in his dreams everyday. Opening your eyes to see another day. Wishing for a chance of hope and a ray of light. You spent ten years like that...It's not like I wasn't the same, I was racked up desperately trying to look for someone and someone that could help me forget about you. But you..even though you tried, you never wanted to forget me deep inside. You didn't deny my existence and lived with it for so long. It's only understandable that you changed a bit on the outside, protecting yourself from getting close to others. Were you scared that if you fell in love with someone else then maybe I would slowly fade and will no longer be there?"<br>Takano rested his face against Onodera's forehead. Takano didn't force Onodera to give him an eye contact but Onodera stared at those amber eyes filled with tense. Takano kissed Onodera on his lips so soft that tears escaped from both of their eyes. Takano didn't force his tongue to be inside of Onodera's mouth but only felt the wet skin on his lips. It was coated with tears. Takano gently held Onodera's face as they kissed and drops of tears formed in his eyes. Onodera wasn't ashamed of crying in front of Takano-san because there wasn't much time left he wanted Takano-san to remember him. But then Takano-san did something that made Onodera lose control. Takano placed his face beside Onodera's and said,"I'm sorry...For not being there for ten years... For not loving you, for not protecting you, in all these years I've left you alone.. I'm sorry."  
>Onodera tried so hard so that no one would know. So that no one could fall in love with his real self. That there won't be anyone who can break this wall protecting his heart. So that no one could interfere. But Takano-san easily broke these down with such few words. He hated him for it but for now he was glad that it was Takano-san that was watching him break down. He didn't care whether he looked crazy or insane. Didn't care if he died tomorrow or regret this for life. He cried grabbing onto Takano-san's body. He wrapped himself around him as if he had lost everything, he was throwing himself on him. Showing him who he is, telling him that he doesn't deserve so much love from him when he has done so many hateful things to him. He hated that Takano-san loved his whole self, accepting everything, even if Takano-san would be hurt seeing him like this, Takano didn't run away. Onodera always envied that side of Takano. Having the ability to face everything straight on. It wasn't that Takano-san wasn't afraid of what he will be facing but knowing that it's his responsibility to make up for the consequences. Onodera clutched his hands so hard on Takano-san's shirt that it could be ripped in any moment.<br>Takano held Onodera's head with right hand and hugged him. He slowly lifted the injured being and carried him to his bedroom. They'd at least spent about two hours crying and holding onto each other on the floor. They were tired of crying and tired of hurting. Takano-san opened the door and laid Onodera on his bed, closed the door, and positioned himself beside Onodera. Then Takano wrapped themselves in blanket and hugged Onodera. Onodera was shaking hard, he couldn't breathe well because of the overflowing tears, trying to swallow them up. Takano held Onodera as if Onodera was about to break. Takano kissed him as the breathing slowed down. He kissed every part of Onodera's face with so much love and care. They supported each other as they took turns of crying. They shouldered each other sharing the ten year sadness. They didn't talk. They stared at each other, lost in their eyes. When there weren't enough tears to cry anymore they held each other. Takano holding Onodera's head and body, Onodera slightly touching Takano-san's chest listening to the steady heart beat. "Ritsu..." Takano said. " Don't cry anymore, I won't let you go, I promise I will always be there for you no matter what. And when I've done it please give me your heart and soul. I will always be waiting for you. Ritsu..please don't cry...Please be happy."  
>Onodera: Takano-san said these sweet words to my ears. It echoed giving me warmth. Then he gave me a tiny squeeze. He said, "I will help you get through so please rely on me, I won't force you but just remember I will support you no matter what and I will do anything for us to be together so...please don't cry anymore...Ritsu...<br>I love you."  
>Onodera: Takano-san fell asleep after saying those words. My eyes felt so swollen and tired but as I sighted the pained Takano-san, my heart tells me to face my feelings straight on. I loved this man who cried for me, who shared every last pain with me. I love him.<br>Ritsu gave a small kiss on Takano's eyes and filled with emotion he said, " I love you too..."  
>Then he put a small but restless smile on his face and fell asleep. He could hear Takano-san's heart beat, it rhymed with his and it comforted him. Takano-san's warmth and voice, it all looked perfect and felt perfect. Giving Takano-san a last look he fell into a deep slumber.<p>

Sorry it took a while to write this chapter. I wanted to make this moment perfect. It was the part where Onodera and Takano starts to understand each other and I wanted my word choices to be precise and exact. I really hope you guys liked it because I really worried for many days about this. So please enjoy and thank you for the two people to reviewed my story! I love you! The next chapter will also be soon so don't worry! Please review for the newcomers and if you want to suggest anything for the story just tell me! Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4: Choices and Uncertainty

FTLLF chapter 4: Choices and Uncertainty  
>I has been a long time since Onodera slept so well. He didn't want to wake up and start another day. He just wanted to stay in Takano's arms until the time came for separation. He was in such peace like an animal who finally found its home.<br>Takano woke up faster than Onodera. The first thing he saw was Onodera's face and it reminded him of last night. Even though Onodera's eyes were painfully swollen, when he sighted Onodera's expression it made him feel relieved. Onodera looked so thin like a piece of paper, but for once he looked so peaceful. It reminded of Onodera in high school, (again) so innocent and happy. He touched Onodera's hair like he did in high school and got up to get an ice pack. Onodera's eyes were so swollen that it looked like it would hurt just opening them. So he brought an ice pack, wrapped it with a towel and placed it on Onodera and his face, lying beside each other. Onodera was surprised a little for the cold object on his face but Takano reassured him that it's just ice pack for his eyes. And a few minutes later Onodera fell back to sleep.  
>After fifteen minutes the ice pack melted and so Takano got up to see Onodera's eye condition. His eyes were still red but his eyes weren't as puffy as it was, it was back to its normal shape and position. Takano brought a steaming but warm towel onto Onodera's face to comfort the tired eyes and it helped Onodera to wash his tear-stained face. But then Takano noticed that Onodera had a little fever and instantly prepared for medication.<br>Thankfully it was Sunday which they didn't have to go to work. Takano laid his forehead onto Onodera's and realized he also had a little fever and was a bit dizzy. So he took his own medicine and he prepared breakfast for himself and Onodera. When it was about 9 o'clock, Onodera opened his eyes. He was greeted by the smell of breakfast but he didn't get out of bed. His eyes throbbed really hard and he felt dizzy. Then Takano-san came to the bedroom and told Onodera to join him for breakfast. Onodera stayed in bed without saying much. He was remembering last night and he was embarrassed to his Takano-san he wasn't ready yet. But Takano just felt Onodera's head and eyes and asked him if he was ill. Takano could clearly see the ripped parts of Onodera so he wanted to give him specific prescription. Onodera didn't argue and told him that he's head and eyes throbbed really hard and that he was a bit dizzy. Then Takano hurried and brought Onodera a cup of water and a few pills. Onodera ate them and wanted to go back to sleep but he didn't want to leave Takano-san alone, so he joined him for breakfast. It was delicious and it made Onodera and Takano full. Onodera wanted to go back to his home to sleep and rest but Takano insisted that he should spend the whole day with him because of his condition. It surprised Takano how Onodera didn't complain about it or did he say that he didn't want to stay there. As Onodera sat in the sofa he was tired from all the drama yesterday and slowly closed his eyes. Right before he was about to fall asleep Takano-san lifted Onodera to his guest room since his room smelled of tears from last night. Onodera felt the huge hands and arms around his body. Then Takano gently placed Onodera on the fresh bed and kissed him. Onodera without thinking opened his eyes deep in wonder. When Takano saw those green pupils staring at him he just covered Onodera with blankets and was about to give him another kiss to let him rest. But instead Onodera asked a question that Takano never expected. "Takano-san, why do you kiss me that way..? Ta-takano-san...I truly think that you shouldn't love me...All...Everything I've done... hurts you and I'll never be able to return your feelings." Onodera would've been teary except that there were no tears left for him to even do that. "Ta...Takano-san...I'm sorry for saying such a thing but I will never be able to love you back... Why would you love me...out of so many people? Ah...haha I'm sure that there are many who are willing to be with you..Takano-san is handsome and an excellent worker, so you shouldn't be with me. I know that you think that you are in love with with me but you're not. You just can't forget about the past and seeing me again caused you has slowed you down. It's my fault and I will take the blame so Takano-san... Takano-san should leave me alone so that we can slowly fade away from each other's lives. When I take over the company we won't able to see each other as much so...Takano-san should find who you really love." Takano-san doesn't deserve someone like me he thought..  
>As Takano received these words, he was hurt. If this was a day when Onodera was not sick he probably would've held him but because of his condition he didn't.<br>Takano topped Onodera as he pushed Onodera on the bed and faced him. He kissed Onodera's neck leaving a mark and lifted Onodera's shirt showing his skinny stomach having little abs and he could see his bone structure. Onodera looked like a piece of art, staring wide eyed at Takano but he didn't have the strength to protest. Takano lingered around Onodera's chest filling his body heat and took his own shirt off. He hugged Onodera like that and said. "If we could hold each other like this... If we could share this warmth with each other just like this...there is nothing that I would want more. I didn't fall in love with you because of how you look or anything like that. You made me fall for you ten years ago and I knew it would happen again...I knew that you could make me fall deeper this time and I let you. I...I love you. It doesn't matter, it has to be you, Ritsu..I can't think of anything to love but you. I know I may have broke you in the past but I want to show you what can do and at least express all my feelings unto you. I will wait as long as it takes, so please stop locking yourself away from me. I know I'm somewhere in there...All you need to do is find it in your heart and have courage."  
>Takano and Onodera locked themselves and Onodera whispered, "yes..." Takano-san was filled with emotion and told Ritsu,"thank you for letting me love you." They only gripped tighter around them and waited till their medicine took affect. Ritsu was quick to sleep but Takano was awake a bit longer than him watching Ritsu. He wasn't sure if Ritsu could hear but he said it anyway. "Ritsu...I'm scared...I don't want to go through that again, please don't leave me, Ritsu..." Even though he was shaking he was firm by Onodera presence giving him useless hope. He fell asleep laughing at his stupidity<br>-4:00p.m.-  
>Onodera opened his eyes, his face inches away from Takano-san. He could hear Takano breathe, and felt the breath on his face. Takano-san's face was carved peace yet nervous. Onodera remembered his high school years, he would watch saga-sempai with his beet red face. Wanting to read all the book that sempai read, he would check out all of the books sempai checked out. He used to dream of watching sempai without any worry like it was the most natural thing in the world. But he thought about how he was now. Do I feel the same? Saga was right in front of him, sleeping. He could kiss him and he wouldn't know. He could confess his love for him and spill all his secrets and he wouldn't know. He couldn't get out of Takano-san's grip so he only stayed there staring at Takano. He looked at Takano's lips. There was sudden desire to devour him. It was always Takano-san, who took the initiative but right now Takano looked so insecure, so alluring. Or he wanted to convince himself that Takano did. Because it always was Takano, who starts kissing him and taking advantage of the situation. Maybe this was the only chance. Although Onodera was scared, he asked himself what he would do if Takano awakes? What will he say?<br>However, before he questioned these words, he had already put his lips on Takano-san's. Onodera didn't think, all he did was place his lips upon another's lips. But then as he felt the dry yet soft lips he lost his conscience. He licked it like it was some kind of candy and then started to kiss him with a bit of passion. He kissed Takano's lips slowly, only sucking the lips. It felt good, so good that he forgot Takano was sleeping. The more and more he kissed he became greedy. He started to suck the lips faster and harder getting passionate. He closed his eyes only feeling the kiss and both of his hands held Takano's face gently.

Takano actually felt the kiss but he didn't know if it was happening at the moment. He didn't know who was kissing him in the dream but it felt good. At first the seducer sucked his lips slowly tasting his whole lip and started to have a rhythm to it. The person was sucking harder and he could feel so much saliva on his lips. It turned him on but he couldn't see clearly who was kissing him. It was blurry for some reason and couldn't spot the person's face. He was getting erected, he wanted more. Even though he didn't know who this person was in his dream he imagined that it was Onodera and tried to kiss him back.

Onodera wasn't surprised that Takano responded and kept kissing him. Takano opened his mouth for Onodera's tongue to enter and he did as soon as he felt the entrance. Onodera was able suck Takano's tongue which sent shivers on Takano's back. He felt so good, he never felt this good before. The person was only kissing yet he was already so hard.  
>At first Onodera sucked the tongue slowly having a full taste of it. Even though it was only Takano's tongue and saliva he was sucking, it tasted good, too good. He never french kissed another person and he never initiated them. Takano's tongue reacted to Onodera's sucking and Onodera started to suck the tongue faster and harder. Sucking the tongue to the end of his throat and feeling every inch of Takano-san's mouth. Onodera was getting hard himself and he didn't stop. He barely breathed to rest and kept going.<br>Oddly Takano did too, Onodera could feel Takano's lower part getting excited and so he pleasured both of them at the fullest. Onodera licked every part inside Takano's mouth and played with Takano's tongue. Both of them grabbed each other trying to devour each other at once. When Onodera was about to take his pants off to get rid of the erection while kissing Takano, Takano suddenly woke up having an eye contact. Takano pushed Onodera down and it was his turn to taste Onodera. Takano stripped his shirt and took off Onodera's. He touched the nipples, rubbing them while sucking Onodera's tongue. Their lips were already too swollen but they didn't care. Onodera didn't argue and massaged Takano's chest pressing the tensed muscles. They stopped for a second to catch a breath and Onodera instantly got up and pushed Takano down. He unbuckled Takano's belts and stared at the erection for a second and started licking with Takano's boxers. He sucked a little on the tip with the boxers and licked the sides. He didn't touch the member with his hands and tried to take the boxer off with his mouth grabbing on the thin fabric. It turned Takano on so much. He has never been this excited since high school and he moaned with pleasure. As Onodera succeeded taking of the thin fabric he saw how big and wet Takano was. Onodera stared at the manhood a little to long for the situation and started to suck it slowly on the tip. He started with the tip sucking it as if he wanted some kind of drink to come out of it. 'Mnn...ah..Ah' Onodera could hear Takano filled with pleasure and he wanted to hear more and started to devour the whole thing slowly. He sucked it hard and good, feeling everything and licking everything on the member. Than very suddenly he started to suck the cock very fast which startled Takano. He was attacked so suddenly and he felt the unlimited pleasure. Ritsu held Takano's thighs as he was sucking with such speed. He couldn't deny the fact that he also felt good. He could feel his boxers wet and he loved how Takano twitched so much in his mouth and called Onodera's name. When Onodera felt that Takano was about to come, he stopped sucking and got on too of Takano. He took his pants off and he slowly inserted Takano in his body. His face was a bit red still embarrassed doing such thing and Takano kissed him while Onodera did this, playing with Onodera's nipples and his hard member. When it was all in, they took a breath and Onodera started to bounce up and down making both of them take quick breaths, and moan. Takano and Onodera didn't think about anything, they only felt and made love. Takano didn't know if this was real or a dream.  
>Ritsu was going up and down and then Takano pushed him with force and pushed his cock deeper. Onodera felt shivers and Takano didn't wait and started thrusting with power. Every time he did, it hit Ritsu's spot and Ritsu came in no time. They were both sticky of sweat and the hot liquid over their body. Ritsu fumbled with Takano's nipple while Takano kept thrusting. They didn't waste a minute trying to rest. Takano was about to climax and kept calling Ritsu. Onodera only moaned louder as Takano pushed harder and faster. ah...ah..ah..ah.. ..mnnm...ah ah ah! Ah! Ah! Ahh! Onodera was about to come but Takano grabbed Onodera's member making him suffer. Onodera yelled between the thrusts. "Ah!ah!ah! Ta-takano-san! No! no more! Ah! I-I have to come! Let go! ah! Ah!' Takano only let go when he was about a second away from climax. He stroked Ritsu while thrusting making Ritsu come faster. Then Takano climaxed.<br>Ritsu: 'ah! Ah! Ahh!'  
>Takano took a breath hugging Ritsu and slowly faced Ritsu. They were both panting and Takano kept calling him. He kissed Onodera's forehead and cheek then kissed on his lips.<br>Takano was a bit confused. This dream felt to real. Even though Onodera did things that he would never do, the feel of it, he feel of when he climaxed was so real. The hot and sexy moans from Onodera and how Onodera's insides felt. The kiss, the sucking, the passion between them felt so real. But then he realized that his body was moving as he commanded. He wanted to kiss Onodera's forehead and he did and kissed Onodera on his lips again. Everything was real, he could see and hear so clearly, but then instead of joy, there were questions coming into his mind. Just why did Onodera kiss him? Takano didn't know what to think. His head was like an orthodox box, everything mixed up with one another. What was Onodera's purpose for seducing him? He hugged Onodera tighter as more questions came by. He panted hard, his breathing having the same beat with Onodera's. Onodera's breath tickled Takano's ear and He kissed Onodera again, he responded right away. When they finally broke away at the pain of their lungs. Both of their saliva dripping from their mouths and their lips being so red and puffy, they rested. They heard the other breathing hard but the room was filled with silence. Takano-san spoke first.  
>"Ritsu...why did you kiss me?"<p> 


	5. Chapter 5: Choices that are made

FTLLF chapter 5 Choices that are made

sorry for the short chapter please wait a little while! im planning for a big chapter next so please be patient! Please please review it will make me so happy!

I love you guys please enjoy! Oh an did you like the last chapter was it ok?

-  
>"Ritsu...why did you kiss me"<br>-

Both of them were still breathing hard. They were unable to take deep breaths so it was harder for them to talk normally. When Takano asked Onodera, Onodera's heart was beating more rapidly and he wasn't able to calm down. 'Why did this man have to hold him like this and for what purpose was he asking the question? What kind of answer is he expecting? But Onodera held Takano's face as if his face was something fragile. He touched both of Takano's cheeks and their faces were only an inch away. Small drops of tears formed in Onodera's eyes and all he could say was, "I'm sorry."

Even though they were looking at each other, they weren't. "Why are you sorry? Is there something that you should apologize for?"  
>Onodera: Takano-san said these words as if he were about to cry. Why would he cry? For who?<br>Onodera placed his forehead on Takano's. It was warm but somehow they were cold. Onodera's hands slowly went up almost reaching Takano's eyes. His right hands touched Takano's hair.

"I don't know, but I feel like we are out of time...If I didn't then..."  
>Onodera didn't make eye contact with Takano, he slightly tilted his head. Takano suddenly shouted, " Ritsu look at me! Don't run!"<br>Onodera faced him again with fear. Takano spoke first. "Why are you so scared? Are you that afraid of me, do you not feel anything towards me? Just how much of love do you need to let me in? Just how many times do I have to be torn apart that you'll be satisfied?... I've never wanted something so bad...even if it's just a nod...just tell me you love me...please...otherwise I don't know what I can do next without any hope..."

Takano observed Onodera intently while he said this. Onodera's eyes weren't sad or full of despair. What was he thinking?  
>"If I hadn't confessed...would this be happening? What do you think Takano-san..? Would you have loved me even if I hadn't confessed my feelings for you..? It's all my fault, if I hadn't then you wouldn't be suffering like this..Maybe you would've been happy with someone that can truly love you back.. Takano-san, I'm sorry...I'm sorry." Onodera said this staring at Takano's amber eyes.<br>Takano: Why did he say such words?

"Takano-san...tear me down, rip me to pieces, until it's impossible for my body to forget about you. Destroy me until your satisfied, hurt me till your nightmares chase me. Don't let me forget about you, leave marks over that will remind me of you. Give me scars, kill me till I beg you. Just don't leave me alone, anything but that...you can do anything with me just make me feel something towards you. I don't care if I'm never be able to fall in love again...hurt me like I did to you..make me suffer..just don't leave...please..."

Droplets of tears fell on his cheeks and Takano hugged him tight.  
>Takano: Just what was he saying? What if he hadn't confessed to him? What if I had never met him? Onodera wanted me to hurt him? Why? Why was he saying these words as if he's been meaning to tell me for a lifetime? And just why is he crying? Is he crying for himself or me? Does he regret falling in love with me?<br>Takano softly ruffled Onodera's head and. Onodera looked up. "Ritsu...don't ever say that. I told you it doesn't matter how long, I will always wait for you. So just don't say it..."

With a little laughter in Takano's voice he said, " Are you an idiot? I already told you that I love you, it doesn't matter if you don't I will make you say you love me again. Have you forgotten? Just how big of an idiot are you?"  
>Hearing Takano's laugh, made Onodera filled with nostalgia. Was he crying or laughing? Onodera wasn't sure, how long has it been since he felt this way?<br>Onodera: "I'm not an idiot"

Takano-san was becoming a bigger part of me.. Am I scared or am I happy?  
>It surprised Takano how Onodera smiled at him. Such a beautiful smile that didn't fit with Onodera's tear stained face and his still swollen eyes. Onodera snuggled up on my shoulder, whispered something that I didn't get and stayed there. I wasn't sure if he was asleep but there was work tomorrow so we also fell asleep wondering what will happen next..<p>

-monday-

Takano: I woke up in an empty bed. My alarm woke me up, so I got up and clothed myself. I looked in the mirror. Why do I look the same when my mental state is a total mess? He ate a quick and simple breakfast and opened his door. Where was Onodera, in work, home, or maybe somewhere else? But because he didn't feel like facing he went straight to work.

No one was there except for Takano and he sat down and looked over his authors. His job was going well, the authors had accepted the edit and they were on time. About five minutes later the others came to work. Kisa, Hatori, and Mino came greeting their superior. And then Onodera came after ten minutes. Takano scolded him lightly and gave them work to do. They all worked hard but the fact was Onodera and Takano was just so tired. They could barely focus. Their annoyance of their mental state only made them feel worse. Onodera still had a fever and a headache and Takano could barely stand straight because of his dizziness. When it was time to take a break Hatori told them that they should get a little rest since the edits were going well. But both of them insisted that they shouldn't keep their guard down. Not until the magazine is published.

Their work finished right at 9:00 p.m. Everyone set off to go home but when Takano came back from the bathroom, Onodera wasn't there. He ran to his home thinking he could catch up but he wasn't there.  
>Takano: Where are you, Idiot?<br>Whenever he tried to call him it sent him straight to voice mail and he didn't know where to find him. He was just randomly strolling around the city. "Just where are you?" Thought Takano.

Onodera was in a restaurant with his parents. They had called him to discuss about his job. They brought about hundred photos of women and few contracts. Onodera stared at the desk looking blank. What was he supposed to do? Run away? Or did he have a choice? He knew he did but he wanted to blame his parents. Would his parents accept if he came out? Then his mom spoke.  
>Mom: "Ritsu, I want you to look over these photos and make a choice, your dad and I came to a conclusion that we will give you a week to chose. If you can not then we agreed that An-chan will be your wife. Your marriage will take place as soon as it can be made. We advise you to look at these pictures and chose for yourself. We truly hope that you understand, Ritsu. It not like we want to force, it's just that we need you.<br>Then she handed Onodera the papers from the Onodera Publishing company. They were bunch of papers that has to be signed by him. Every time he signed his name for approval, he could feel himself getting further away from Marukawa. Why did he feel this way? Didn't he hate shojo manga? He would be able to edit literature so why?

After Onodera signed all these papers, his father gave him advises and he also promised them that he will look over the photos. They ate their dinner and Onodera greeted them until they got on their taxi. He walked home and after thirty minutes, he was standing in front of his door. His bag full of women's photos, he stared at Takano-san who was sitting in front of Onodera's door. Takano was close to be asleep in this cold night but he saw Onodera in front of him. He frowned and asked him where he was.

Onodera didn't wear any expression and answered him. "I was with my parents...would you please move? I'm very tired."  
>Takano noticed the huge bag under Onodera and realized that Onodera's face was hot with fever as if he was about to faint. Takano stood up and was about to enter Onodera's house. But Onodera pushed him away. "Please...not today, I'm sorry? It seems like I made you worry...good work today and good night." Onodera closed the door before Takano had a chance and he went to his own house. They never knew that silence could be so deafening.<p>

Onodera placed his huge bag on a random desk and turned on the bath water. Then he waited a little doing nothing and stripped to take a bath. He sat in the hot water not cleaning himself. He was hugging his knees and after thirty minutes, he got out. He wanted the water to calm his nerves but it didn't work as much as he wished. So he dried himself and covered the hot body with blankets, he closed his eyes but he didn't sleep.  
>Takano felt the same, he just laid down his bed closing his eyes, wishing for the familiar warmth.<p>

please review!


	6. Chapter 6: Breaking Walls Down

Sorry for the really late update ToT

thank you for the people who gave me a review you guys are my reason of writing this! My school has been a mess so i couldn't updat for a while...but i have a two week break soon! So many chapters will be updated by then! Thank you for those who likes and reads my story! I love you guys! i hope u like this chapter!

Please Review!

FTLLF chapter 6: Day 1, Breaking walls down

Tuesday  
>Onodera woke up earlier than usual and set out for work. When Onodera got out of his house, Takano also was ready to go at the same time. Onodera turned his head towards the elevator without greeting his superior. Takano followed after him and grabbed Onodera's shoulder.<br>Takano: "Just where were you last night? Do you have any idea how long I looked for you and how worried I was? Onodera! Stop walking!  
>Onodera tried to get out of his grip and run but he failed.<br>"I'm sorry, I made you worry but I would like to say, that you shouldn't care about me. If you don't want to get hurt, stay away from me."  
>Onodera wanted to disappear. He was shaking too hard but the seriousness of his voice was firm. Before Takano could notice...He wanted to run.<br>"Please excuse me..!"  
>Onodera ran as hard as he can to the train station and Takano made no effort to chase him down. But Onodera left a trace. There was a small picture on the ground. It was on of the picture from Onodera's bag. All Takano had was a picture of a random women, and there were no words to describe his confusion.<p>

-7:00 a.m.-

Takano finally arrived at his work and he wanted to go to the bathroom. He put his bag on his seat and greeted his subordinates. He went to the bathroom and heard someone choking. The voice sounded familiar and looked he who it was. It was Onodera.  
>He was puking liquid of energy drinks. Takano didn't know what to say and helped him clean his mouth and face. Onodera tried to shove Takano but there was no strength in his arms. Takano was able to see Onodera's slender body shaking. At first he didn't know what he should do but he just surrounded Onodera with his arms, as if he was protecting him. The shaking stopped and no one spoke. He wanted to buy Onodera something for breakfast. Onodera didn't seem to care and so Takano bought him a simple sandwich. Onodera thanked him using his manners but Takano only stared and the shaking hand. Takano didn't know how to bring the up the subject about the picture so he waited.<p>

They were almost at the end of the cycle so everyone was busy. Surprisingly this time there weren't as many mistakes on the manuscripts as before so no one was as stressed as they usually are. Tori had already handed in all of his manuscripts, and so he went home at lunch time. The other editors only had about one or two manuscripts to be finished.  
>Takano wanted to talk to Onodera about the picture so he finished his work early. It was 6:00 p.m. when Takano was about to order Onodera to go home with him. He was gone once again.<p>

Onodera left at 5:45 p.m, he noticed that one of the pictures was missing from the "fiancé" file, so he wanted to go home early. It was cold. Onodera didn't know he was so undressed compared to the weather. Because he ran so hard in the morning, he didn't realize the cold weather. The weird thing was that he's sight was fading. Shivering hard, he held on to his coat. Onodera could feel his eyes shutting, he had to get himself home but then everything turned black.

Takano was walking to his apartment but then he saw someone falling over. The familiar shape made him panic and he ran. Takano could see the person was trying to keep himself up but he failed. Takano ran and caught the person just on time. He was glad that he ran. It was Onodera, he could tell by Onodera's face that he wasn't eating well. The body was thin and fragile. Takano carried the lifeless body to the apartment.  
>He reached the house in 5 minutes and went to Onodera's house. The house was clean. Too clean for it to be Onodera's house. He put Onodera to bed and checked his temperature.<br>Takano: "I can't believe how much trouble you cost me. God. Can't you take care of yourself ay least once?"  
>Takano grumbled as he prepared dinner. Onodera woke up in no time it was 6:10 p.m, when he woke up. He stood up to see what was happening in the kitchen. He could hear something boiling but he didn't remember turning anything on.<br>He saw Takano making dinner in his house and he wanted to yell at Takano to get out.  
>"What was he doing in my house? Has he seen the pictures or maybe he thinks it's really weird for my house to be clean? Has he figured everything out?"<br>But instead of saying these out loud he asked Takano what he was doing.  
>Takano: "Is that how you treat the one that brought you home and is preparing dinner for You? You fainted on your way home! I should've known since you puked bunch of energy drinks in the morning! And when I wanted to take you home, you had already left."<br>Onodera: "I'm sorry that you had to take care of me but I wish that you would leave me alone next time."  
>Takano: "huh? How do you expect me to leave you on the freaking ground being helpless? For now just shut up and eat your dinner and take your medication!"<br>Onodera walked over to the fancy meal and sat down. They ate in silence.  
>Onodera didn't know what to say. Should he thank him or should he apologize again? Was there anything fun that they could talk about?<br>They quietly finished dinner and Onodera complimented the meal. Onodera did the dishes and he wanted Takano to leave his house. But then without any reason, Takano hugged Onodera from behind. Takano's hands close to Onodera's heart, they stayed that way for a few seconds. Onodera tried to get away from the tight embrace then felt the slight shake coming from Takano-san.  
>Takano: "Onodera, can I stay?"<br>Onodera was rather startled by Takano's choice of words and finished his dishes. Even after he was done Takano's hold was strong.  
>Onodera: "Takano-san, it's enough, you should get some rest yourself and go to your place. It's already 7:00 o'clock."<br>Onodera gently put his hands on Takano-san's to get the hands off but it didn't even budge.  
>Takano: "Onodera, tell me the truth. Who are those women? The photos of those women...who are they?"<br>Onodera wasn't ready to talk about this but he still answered him. "Huh?I don't know what your talking about. I think you're tired, you should get some rest."  
>Takano: "Stop playing innocent Onodera! I saw them! Those women, who are they?"<br>Onodera: "Don't shout it my apartment and please leave."  
>Was his voice shaking? "It's none of your business. There's no reason for me to tell you." Was his voice cold enough? If you've understood, please leave my apartment this moment!" Is Takano-san seeing through my lie?<br>Takano pushed Onodera to the wall. "How can you say that it's none of my business? Why do you refuse to understand? Just tell me! What do you want? What is that you hate about me? Tell me! Why am I the only one talking? Am I the only one...?  
>Takano's grip was tight but it was loosening as he lost his will to love. Now all it did was hurt him yet he loved Onodera so much.<br>"If I left, would you not chase after me? Onodera...don't leave."  
>Onodera wanted to scream at him. Tell him everything without hiding anything. No, I would chase after you! You're not the only one...I too have always...always.<br>Onodera was scared, the more Takano loosened the grip on his shoulders. Then suddenly in one swift move Takano was heading towards the door, Onodera was only fast enough to catch his hand.  
>"No...No! no..."<br>Onodera squeezed Takano's hand and repeated the word over and over again. But Takano wanted to leave. He tried pull Onodera's hands away but then he was embraced tight by the arms he had longed for. It hugged him so tight, he could feel the cry of Onodera's heart. However Takano had set his mind to leave and tried again. Then he could finally hear Onodera's fragile voice. "Takano-san..stay...please don't leave"  
>Takano: "This isn't a game, Onodera. You don't want to tell me anything, but you want me to stay by your side? Didn't you say it's none of my business?"<br>Takano grabbed Onodera's whole body and pushed him down on his bed. Takano was on top of him staring at Onodera, waiting for him to speak.  
>Onodera: "Do you love me Takano-san?"<br>Takano almost laughed at hearing the question except that Onodera's voice was too weak.  
>Onodera: "Would you always love me, and face all my burdens together? Will we always be together and happy? Would we...?"<br>Before Onodera could finish, Takano butied Onodera in his arms. "Yes.., Even if we can't be together at all times I will always love you and only you. All you need to do is open up so that I can be there for you."  
>Onodera hesitated. Those sweet words drowning him, should he believe them? Wouldn't he be vulnerable after telling Takano all these things? Takano-san would take the advantage. He could hurt me any time if he wished, but would he? Did he mean what he said? What do I want to do about this? When I reveal the truth, all my barriers will brake. I've spent ten years to built them, am I willing to brake them for Takano-san? And would he appreciate? Do I love Takano-san enough to do this?<br>Onodera opened his mouth to speak, but there were no words that came out. He could hear Takano-san breathing. The silence, so deafening.

"Takano-san, I'm leaving Marukawa next week. my parents wishes for me to take over the company. Those pictures...my mother gave them to me saying that I should chose my own wife or that I will get married to An-chan. After this month, I will have my own apartment, close to the company. We won't see each other for a while..."  
>Onodera wanted to laugh while he said this as if he didn't care that he would leave. As he tried to force himself to laugh, the laughter turned into a sob.<br>"Takano-san, would you still be in love with me?...please...don't leave. Don't leave me out in the dark again. Don't let me leave."

Takano was speechless. Part of them was because of their separation, but mostly because what Onodera said last. He didn't fully understand how Onodera felt, but he wondered if Onodera also had a hard time without him. Did he look back and wanted to go back to hiw it was before? Does he still feel the same after ten years? What could he do to help Onodera understand? Takano could only get out, "It's ok."  
>Takano was side by side facing each other. Takano hugged Onodera and the insurmountable silence let them hear their existence. ( breathing)<p>

What could Takano say to make up for his past? What should he say that will satisfy Onodera? He could hear Onodera's soft sobs. Onodera was crying like a lost puppy, cute and broken. The warm drops of tears fell on Takano's shirt, giving it a wet spot. Through the sobs, Onodera spoke. 好き。。。 (suki)  
>タカノーさんが好き。。。<br>(takano-san ga suki)

As Onodera's words vibrated through the whole apartment, they were hot filled with love.  
>Takano: りつが好き。。。<br>(Ritsu ga sukida)

No one knows if Onodera was happy with these words. All he knew was that the present was different from the past. Even though he knew it was only a misunderstanding, it was still true that Takano had hurt Onodera. Although it hurt him, he lived with it without complaining for the ten long years. Making the pain, a part of him. Onodera should've known from then. It was impossible for Takano-san to be erased from Onodera.


	7. Chapter 7 : History Repeats Itself

FTLLF chap 7 day 2

History Repeats Itself

The moment between them didn't seem real. It was barely imaginable, but now in front of them stood a figure they had dreamed of always being there. Holding them and kissing them, they were there. The person that they always wanted was finally here for them saying that he feels the same. Something that should have been forbidden and unknown has been found. They were so marveled by the feeling they were having yet they didn't know whether they should show or not. Their heart devoured them whole. Nothing made sense and they didn't think. They were passionate towards each but their emotions were numb. They were kissing yet they didn't know that they were. Losing control and conscience at the same is frightening. Only doing what you truly desired for, only trying to reach the goal, the very thought was the only thing in their mind.  
>However, because they forgot that tomorrow is not always promised they will have to pay.<p>

-Wednesday-

Takano woke up with a huge bang. He mumbled a few curse words,  
>but as soon as he was aware of his situation he turned wide eyed. Instead of finding Onodera in his arms he found Isaka-san staring at him, questioning.<p>

He was lost for words but he kept his poker face. "Isaka-san, may I ask why you are here?"

Isaka then looked pissed at such a statement. Then said, "Just what did you do last night? God you are such a pain in the ass. Do you even know what I'm talking about?"

It was only 7 in the morning so Takano couldn't really understand what Isaka-san wanted to say. But he didn't feel good getting yelled at first thing in the morning since last night. Takano calmed down and said, "I don't know what you are talking about Isaka-san. I haven't done anything wrong in my work if I recall."

"Hah...geez you are slow. I'm not sure how close you are with Onodera but don't you realize that he is the future boss in the Onodera Company? Have you ever considered that maybe someone under Onodera's father was keeping a watch on Onodera?"

Isaka-san's words rang through the whole apartment, giving Takano a huge impact. Even after hearing this Takano wasn't sure. Because its not like a person can come into Onodera's room or his without them noticing. So Takano said, "What are you trying to imply, Isaka-san?!"

Isaka-san spoke, "Onodera's room has a voice recording system and also a CCTV that is connected to the Onodera Publishing Company. They never have checked it because they had no interest in Onodera's personal life. Then one day Onodera's father asked them to check, and thankfully Onodera knew about the camera and the voice recording system. So He destroyed both of them, but it turns out that the voice recording system's file hasn't been destroyed. They caught a few words between you and Onodera and now they are trying to bring Onodera to the company as soon as possible. To be honest I don't know what is happening but I'm telling you that you are being watched. So get your ass up and come to work I have many more things to discuss with you."

Hearing these words made Takano's head full of thoughts about Onodera. He was worried like hell but he felt sick. Almost as he was about to pass out. He didn't understand why though. He hadn't eaten anything bad and no one was near him except Onodera. But he had no choice but to get up since Isaka-san was there so he forced himself to get up.

He got up and strolled to the kitchen but it was weird. He was breathing hard by just taking a few steps and he couldn't calm down. Isaka-san suddenly seeing Takano like this asked if he was alright. "Oi, Takano don't rush yourself too hard. If you can't even walk I'll let you take a few hours off."

He felt odd, his body was heating up for no reason and his head felt like it was about to explode. He just stared at Isaka-san. Then something clicked in his head. Although he realized what had happened it was too late.

He fell.

He saw Onodera.

He saw his high school years.

He saw the present then the past.

He fell

Deeper

And

Deeper

Into the place

where he feared

The most.

A place where

He couldn't

Be saved.

Isaka-san observed Takano's body and without any hesitation he called his assistant and took Takano to the hospital. There was no expression of sorrow. No expression of success. Just facing straight forward with no smile.

The most scary thing about it was that he had to put up a smile when he went back to that place. Act like he succeeded. Act like he won and was happy with the result. This is not tragedy or destiny. It's just how things are. He didn't look back once. He didn't question anyone. But he smiled like he was the luckiest guy on earth.  
>He would be dead if he hadn't.<p>

-1:00 p.m.-

Onodera was at work. He didn't know why his boss wasn't coming to work. At first he was pissed but as time passed by he became worried. He only had left early because he was embarrassed and so he thought maybe he could talk to Takano seriously by inviting him to dinner. Takano wasn't the type to refuse Onodera and Onodera thought it would be fine.

Then Hatori Yoshiyuki suddenly stood. He announced the news about Takano-san and Onodera was perplexed. He was the last person that had seen Takano-san. Nothing could've possibly happened between that short amount of time.

Hatori: "Takano-san had been taken to the hospital. They say that someone had attacked him last night which caused a huge effect on his head. He is in a coma for now. But don't let this get to your work guys! I'm sure Takano-san will be fine. He will recover in no time so get back to work."

Many people were worried and confused but went right back to work. Onodera lost focus.

Someone had made up a lie about that. He was with Takano last night and nothing had happened. So made thoughts and worries went through his head. In all these thoughts he suddenly heard Takano saying, "stop doing a half-assed job!" Onodera suddenly awoke and went back to work.

-9:00 p.m.-

Onodera finished his work and headed to the hospital. He could worry how to get home later. He got to the hospital and asked where Takano was and easily found his way to Takano's room.  
>Then his eyes finally caught a sign that said Takano Masamune. Onodera calmed himself and slowly turned the door knob. And found nothing but himself being caught by the person he loved most.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8: Effort

Sorry i havent updated in forever! I'm in america now! Please enjoy

Chapter 8 FTLLF

Day 3

Onodera sprinted toward Takano-san's room without a second thought and someone from behind captured him. The person held a handkerchief over Onodera's mouth and Onodera was able to smell some kind of unpleasant scent. Then his conscience started to fade away. The last thing he remembered was that the feel of the person's hands felt so familiar. Like it was someone that he knew. He wondered who the person was was and he could feel that person tying his hands with a rope. However he felt to weak to object and left himself to be.

Onodera was in a place. A place of so many colors. There was a room for every color in this world. So many blended and odd colors all mixed up, looked a bit messy, but it also looked magnificent. He never knew such colors existed.

Onodera carefully observed each color and then found out that those round things weren't rooms. They were balls. Balls of different sizes were scattered all around him. It kind of reminded him of the crystal balls that the "fortune tellers" use.

Those round looking things floated around him. They obviously looked like objects that he could touch, but when Onodera tried to touch it his hand went in. He took it out right away, but nothing happened to his hand physically. There were no scars and no marks. Onodera guessed that he was dreaming, but this was too weird. People can only dream about something that has been in their mind for a long time.

While thinking, a small diamond colored ball floated to Onodera's shoulder and his shoulder went in half way. This happened so fast and quick. The ball then popped and the room turned clear and it was coloured again. The new room looked oddly similar. He turned his head and noticed that the area turned into a street. Onodera stood in the middle of the street and later heard a small cry from a cat. Right in front of him a small white and black dotted kitten appeared in a box, crying. Then a tall figure stood in front of the box. The boy stood, staring. Then he picked up the small body and went on his way. When the boy was about seventy meters away a smaller boy came running. He stood watching the tall boy disappear in the grey. He had an odd expression on his face. Even though it was raining hard, his cheeks were colored like a poisoned apple. But he was staring at the road as if a beautiful creature had just passed by right before his eyes. It was almost as if he was drunk. He looked happy yet he was sad.

Onodera watched this and was confused. This was him ten years ago when he was in high school, when sempai had picked up that cat that everyone had ignored. However he was supposed to see this as an unbiased perspective, yet his heart was thumping loudly. The feeling reminded him of his high school, but he just couldn't stop thinking about Takano-san and then the room turned back to how it was. The diamond ball vanished, but he felt heavy. Like there was a huge weight on his shoulders. He became tired and closed his eyes, thinking. If he was dreaming, why does this feel so real? Before he had a good chance to think he opened his eyes and found that the area was closing in. He did not try to escape and stood blankly at the black room closing in. It was swallowing all the objects and pretty soon it would swallow him too. He didn't know what was happening, but the last thing that came into his mind was how he would have felt if Takano-san had been with him.


	9. Chapter 9: This is So Called Reality

Chapter 9

Hey! Please enjoy!

Day 10

This so called reality

Takano was there. He existed. He was alive yet he could not feel nor remember. His body was heavy. Full of burden he could not move an inch. His eyes were closed and in the thick darkness there was no light. It was as if he was being hypnotized. But he saw someone reached out a hand and took something. What did the person take? Whatever it was Takano didn't care or you could say he didn't know what had happened. But for now he felt lighter and that was all that mattered for the time being. The last thing that he saw was a boy with nothing left, himself.

Takano was a realistic man. He never relied on God and never wished for something that he couldn't have. He did what he could and he was praised for it. There was no problem. Everything was able to be fixed and be improved. Everything went according to his plan and he never made relationships that could be broken or that could break him. There was nothing. Not anymore.

It was November 13th when Takano woke up. Takano was told that he was drugged and has been in a coma for a week. He did not question who did or why they did. He quietly walked out of the hospital and took a taxi home. He knew there was no one in his apartment, but he felt a deep loneliness piercing his heart. He assumed that this was one of the side effects of a coma but he didn't care. Even though he had been sleeping for a week he was tired. He knew something was lost. He had been this way for his entire life yet he knew he was missing something. "What is this?",He thought. Before he could get prepared for his work tomorrow his eye lid closed and took him through the long tunnel of darkness deep where Onodera didn't exist.

It has been a week since Onodera started living with his parents. His mother came to his apartment and dragged Onodera to her house. Onodera was furious yet he could not oppose her. He had no reason to oppose her yet he wanted to. It was a strange feeling. He was having a lot of dreams lately and it concerned him. A week ago someone tried to assault Onodera by drugging him but Isaka-san found Onodera and took him to the hospital. Onodera's parents deeply apologized for Ritsu and how he had to leave and so everything was ready for Onodera to take over except for himself. Would he be able to get the things he wanted if he worked in his father's company? Would there be satisfaction or any type of goal? And why was he obligated to find a partner now? He didn't understand the importance of getting married and taking over the Onodera Publishing.

It was 3 o'clock when Onodera went to get more stuff from his apartment. His mom was out running errands and his dad was at the company. Onodera took the subway and walked from the station to his apartment. He arrived at his destination around 5:40 p.m. And saw a black haired man that was standing in front of his door.

"What is he doing?" Onodera wondered if the man was drunk and asked, "Good evening. I'm Onodera Ritsu. I am the owner of the room; is there anything that I can do for you sir?"

Takano: "Ah no please excuse my rudeness. I have been having a lot of headaches lately but somehow when I saw your door it reminded me of something...what was it? Gosh I must be tired. I'm sorry please enjoy your night.

Onodera stared though the black eyes of Takano. It was as if he was covered in black or engulfed by it. "Do I know him?" he thought. "What was is name again?" As Takano passed by Onodera it was as if they were complete strangers; there wasn't any meaning to it and they didn't think much into it. "Why?" They thought. There was nothing to start or end, no future or past. They were there just existing in the presence wondering why they felt such emotion flowing through their cold hearts.

Hello! I hope you liked this chapter. It's not long but I put a lot of thought into it. I made this chapter day 10 because Takano was in a coma for seven days and I wanted to start again from where they met after the incident. I know it's confusing about what happened to takano and onodera but dont worry the future chapters will explain it all. Thank you for all the reviews!


	10. Chapter 10: Forgotten yet Remembered

Chapter 10

Forgotten yet Remembered

Day11

Takano woke up at 6:45 a.m. Even after being hospitalized he woke up according to his plan. He washed his face, put some comfortable clothes on, made a simple sandwich then headed out the door. He opened the door and saw a city covered with rain. It was pouring. "Just like that day", he thought. He couldn't understand. His heart knew it was as if his brain was paralyzed, he could acknowledge the feeling to say that it was his own. He silently stood in front of his door with one umbrella in his hand. As he passed by Onodera's door he waited. Then he remembered that no one was living there anymore. "What am I waiting for?", he thought. "I just met him yesterday. It's not like I'm able to fall in love. I just can't forget about him." (A faceless image shows up in Takano's mind) 'I love you, sempai'

好きだです 先輩 が。。。

(Suki desu sempai ga)

"What was his name again? What was he like? I don't remember..."

This was odd.

He strolled to the elevator and drove his car to his work. Why couldn't he remember anything about him? Has the ten years of time finally made him forget? Would he be able to move on, but then why would he be thinking of him now? It didn't make sense.

With these heavy thoughts he drove to his work.

Onodera was at his dad's work. His father was going over the work that Onodera would be taking over. Then it reached 12 o'clock. Onodera's father told him to have a lunch break and to be back at 12:35. Onodera walked out of the tall apartment. He felt lonely. 'Why', he thought. He started to look for a fast food place, but then remembered that he would be scolded by... "Wait who was it?" Who would he be scolded by? He didn't know. At last he went to a connivence store bought a few bottles of beer and went back to work. He didn't drink unless he had to drink but he held those heavy bottles all the way back to his apartment.

It was 10:00 p.m. when Onodera and Takano got out of work. Takano went to a bar alone and Onodera left to go to his old apartment. He thought that might help him answer his questions. Takano had a light drink from the bar and took the last train back home. He walked slowly to his apartment and found a fragile figure standing next to his door. He was holding a beer in one hand, facing the sky. It wad a dark night today. There was nothing in the sky as if it was raining with darkness in the air. Takano walked up to him and they made an eye contact. Takano spoke first.

"Have I met you before?"

Onodera: "You mean other than the last time we met? I don't believe so."

There was a deep silence after that. Onodera broke the silence and handed Takano a beer. "Please have some."

Takano: "ah thanks. Um...do you want to come in? It's really cold out here."

Onodera: "um...sure. Thanks"

Onodera closed the door behind him and walked in the living room. It was tidy and neat. It somehow looked familiar as he took a seat on the floor. He set the bag of beer on the table and slowly chugged down his beer. Takano sat across from Onodera and introduced himself again. "I believe we met the last time you came but I'm Takano Masamune. I work at Marukawa Company at Emerald department. Nice to meet you again." Takano slightly bowed.

Flustered Onodera bowed and said, "I'm Onodera Ritsu and I work at Onodera Publishing. I'm sorry for the sudden visit. Please excuse me."

Takano smiled as he saw Onodera flushed bright red. They drank silently until Takano spoke again.

"So...what brings you here again?"

Onodera: "Well...I don't know how to explain but, these days I feel like I'm forgetting something. It's not like an object that I need it's just like I can't remember. Like something made me forget. I don't know what it is though...so I thought I would come here again and find out. Maybe something would remind me."

Takano: "Oh what a coincidence." Takano smiled. "I was having the same problem these days. Actually I know who it is that I forgot, it's just that I can't recall his name or his face. Sometimes scenes pop up in my head and I can remember what the person did but I just can't make up their faces or their names. It's very frustrating."

Onodera: "Yes, that's how I exactly feel. My body remembers but my head doesn't."

Takano: "Haha well I guess it isn't that bad since we met."

Then Takano suddenly freaked out and thought, "what the hell did I just say now? Am I hitting on him? God he's going to freak out."

Onodera blushed and laughed and said, "I guess you're right."

Takano was surprised but, then was relieved.

Onodera then changed the topic to their work. "So what's your job Takano-san? I'm an editor at a literature department."

Takano: "Oh I also am an editor at the Emerald department. I edit shojo manga."

Onodera: "Oh I used to work at Emerald my boss was..."

Onodera blanked out. What was his name? How could he not remember his previous boss?

"I can't remember his name..."

Takano: "Actually I'm the only director in the shojo department. But I can't recall anyone named Onodera Ritsu."

This was weird. They should know each other but they didn't. Takano got up and brought a huge packet and set it on the table.

"This is all the shojo manga that we edited over the years. If you worked in the same department than your name should be here."

Onodera nodded and looked through the thick packet. A few minutes later they found it. The name "Onodera Ritsu" was clearly written.


End file.
